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Do Men REALLY Prefer Bitches?
by Sarah Paul, Relationships Expert
000relationships.com
My friend Kelly always looked bored when she goes out. I never asked her why until last weekend. It was our girls' night out, and we stopped off for dinner first with two of our closest friends. Then we all headed out on the town to enjoy ourselves.
Our first stop was one of the newest bars that had opened up in my favorite part of town. It's full of quaint little shops, coffee shops and bars packed with quirky people. As we walked into the bar, ordered our drinks and sat down, I noticed that Kelly had suddenly gone quiet. She'd been laughing as loudly as any of us at dinner, but now she suddenly looked bored and rather aloof. She fiddled with her hair and sipped her drink elegantly, acting like she wasn't interested in being there at all.
There were a couple of great-looking guys at the table near us. I noticed them watching us. It always seems to happen when I go out with my female friends! We're always having such a good time that men naturally pay attention. I'll usually look right back at them and give them a knowing smile or a wink, then look away and focus my attention back on my friends. If the men are interested in talking with us, they'll come over. If not, they'll just enjoy the table-to-table flirtation!
This time, the men came over, and we invited them to join us. There were only two of them and four of us, but we made space at our table. All of us starting talking ... well, all except for Kelly. She didn't participate in the conversation at all. In fact, she didn't even look at the two guys; instead, she looked around at what was happening in the rest of the bar.
When we slipped away to use the restroom, I had to ask Kelly. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You don't seem like you're enjoying yourself."
"Why?" Kelly stepped up to the mirror to fix her hair.
I tried to explain tactfully. "It just seemed to me that you might be bored."
"No, this is great. Those guys seem really nice. The dark-haired one is really cute."
I was confused! I'd thought that she wasn't enjoying our new companions at all! Then it hit me: Kelly trying to attract these men by playing the "Rules."
Have you heard of "The Rules"? It's a book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that counsels women to make men work for your attention, never act like you're interested, "don't stare at men or talk too much." If you follow all the Rules, the authors promise, you'll be the one that the men want to take home.
The Rules really started the phenomenon of women trying to act like "bitches" to get men's attention. Another book published five years after The Rules was more explicit about the intent: it was titled "Why Men Love Bitches" (written by Sherry Argov).
I've heard from so many women that acting like a bitch really DOES work. It keeps them from scaring the man off by coming on too strong. When a woman doesn't act too interested, the man's competitive drive kicks in, and he will pursue her despite her seeming unwillingness. Men love to practice their technique on pulling off a seemingly impossible conquest.
Yes, "The Rules" work. The question is what ELSE "The Rules" do.
I now understood exactly what Kelly was doing, and why. Nevertheless, it was our girls' time together. Earlier, at dinner, we were all having fun. Now, at the bar, Kelly's aloofness was putting a damper on our festivities. Simply put, bitches aren't fun to be around, even if they're only acting that way to attract men!
Was her cool attitude attractive? It is to men who enjoy the thrill of the chase. However, not all men find bitches attractive. Best of all, the guys who are turned off by a woman who pretends not to be interested are often the ones that you REALLY want ... the guys more likely to fall in love, commit, and want to marry you! That's the EXACT opposite of what The Rules says! The Rules tell you to play games with a man to keep him keen and get that marriage proposal, WHETHER OR NOT he's actually attracted to you for who you really are. If you have to hide your naturally warm, kind, bubbly personality to get a man, then you are actually harming yourself. You're allowing yourself to believe that a man can't love you just the way you are. You're allowing yourself to believe that you have to put a fake mask on before anyone will love you.
You are wonderful just as you are. You're even MORE wonderful when you're having a good time and letting your natural personality shine through. Your natural personality will attract a man who is your natural complement and deter men who are only after the thrill of chasing after unavailable women. You'll attract MATURE men who love you for who you are, not IMMATURE men who want to add another notch to their bedpost.
Best of all, the proof that night was what actually happened. The good-looking guys at the next table noticed us precisely BECAUSE we were having so much fun! Good humor is infectious. They came over because I gave them a clear invitation to join us with my smile and wink. Being warm and friendly ensured that we all had a great time.
Personally, I suppose it all comes down to choice. If you're going to try out "The Rules," make sure that you don't sabotage yourself into having less fun.
Personally, I'd rather attract a man who enjoyed being with me for my personality--not because he wanted the challenge of a conquest!
You can learn A LOT more about how to attract the man of your dreams and get the relationship you always wanted at:
Make Every Man Want You More
How to Be Irresistible to Men
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